he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i love accidental penises.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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