No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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