You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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