turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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