I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
