man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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