Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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