You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize