He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Damn victory sex feels great
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