My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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