Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize