Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
