it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
