When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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