Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
