We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
