in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
