T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
