i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
