Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
