woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well I just put wine in my tea
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
