mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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