Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
