i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
