I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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