You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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