PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
