he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
