Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
