Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
