It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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