now i know why i became what i already was.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Oh god it's open bar.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize