I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize