College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
