I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
