32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
