They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
