i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
