i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
