my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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