i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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