i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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