I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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