What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
