driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Found the puke drawer
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize