my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize