I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
