I wanna bring you to show and tell
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
