Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
