i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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