why do cheetos always look like penises
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
