By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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