I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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