you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
is it fun? or sober?
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