Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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