I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
