I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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