I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
