i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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