I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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