Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
