i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
