Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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