My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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