remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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