Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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