she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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