What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize