I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
