Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
God I need to hump something, right now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
