i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
