Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
