my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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