He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
