I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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