I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
