I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
