I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
