Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
