i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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