He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
