I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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