I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
