dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
