A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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