So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
