Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
