Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
