Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
