We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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