Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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