You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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