he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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