I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
