I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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