You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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